Depressed, overweight and don't know what to do...

Change is hard. I think making one lifestyle change at a time makes sense. I personally tackled exercise first and THEN food.

Here's a tip for exercising that worked nicely for me back then: put a calendar on your wall and give yourself a nice star sticker for each day you exercise. The stars will be right there in your face showing you that you haven't gone three times yet this week. It worked for me!

I don't disagree with anything you've said, but don't know that it disagrees with what I wrote earlier either . I also prefer shorter, more intense workouts, for the reasons I stated. I just think there are different dimensions to "better" -- cardiovascular, calorie burning, metabolic effect. For me, the best combination of these is achieved in a shorter, more intense workout.

Well, the key, as I'm sure you'll hear from others is that you don't stop the diet. Ever.

What that means is you need to find a way of eating that works for you. It may be a popular diet or it may be a way to eat that fits your life and is reasonably healthy.

Whatever, it needs to be something you can keep up for life.

Sure, you'll have days where you don't eat right, but you need to go right back to *your* plan as soon as you can.

Ah, you said you *did* lose weight on Atkins, but then gained it back.
That means you have and can do something that will work.

The problem is it may not be easy for you to stick with. See if you can figure out why.

Also, it IS important to eat. No one should feel like they are starving. That's a recipe for problems right there. Consider WHAT you eat though. Eating good lean protein, vegetables, moderate portions of fruits, whole grains, etc... is not likely to add on much in the way of pounds.

I can hear you on the schedules thing. My husband works for the
National Weather Service. He works all three shifts in rotation. Ugh.

But that doesn't mean you can't have support. Talk to each other, talk about what is coming in the house in the way of food, see if there are any problems there and correct them.

Some pain and/or discomfort is pretty normal when you first exercise, especially if it's something you never do. You need to consider working through it though. You say you go out for something to eat when you crave it.

I'm guessing you walk to your car, walk into the store, buy something, walk out, etc... And you can, apparently, bear this discomfort.

So walk more. Even if it's just parking way, way out from the store when you go there to satisfy a craving. Do it and it will become more comfortable. Then you can make it a regular activity.

So don't diet.

Just eat good healthy balanced meals and moderate portions.

And get some exercise.

Fast food is not a good thing for the most part. Full of salt, carbs, saturated fats, etc... Occasionally, won't hurt, but don't base every night's dinner on it.

Maybe you should try some crockpot meals. I.E. something you can throw together and let cook all day, so it's ready when you get home.
Leftovers can make quick meals for subsequent days. Or freeze some.

Other things, evaluate your fast food choices. There are more these days than there used to be. Try some of the salad options for instance. Or, instead of fast food, sit yourself down in a restaurant and order a nice cut of meat or chicken. Have some veggies on the side and a salad. Subway sandwiches and salads can be pretty good options too, instead of the usual burger and fries.

While not optimal, there are also frozen dinners that aren't so bad, especially if you add veggies. If you don't like or don't have time to cook, frozen veggies can be darn handy!

As for eating late... that's less of an issue than what you are eating.

Like I said, my husband does shift work. I like to spend time with him, so, when he's on graveyard shift, I cook dinner around 11 PM and eat with him.

When he's on swing shift... I cook even later.

I'm fortunate in that I can work around his shifts, I don't really
LIKE eating that late, but it doesn't hurt weight loss particularly.

Venting is good. Ultimately though, you and only you are in the driver's seat. You'll have to find ways to eat healthy that work for you. And ways to exercise. It's tough, it's not easy, but it's the only way to go and keep the weight off for good.

Wow! Thank you all! This is some wonderful group of people who post here! Thank you everyone.

O.k. Now on to business... I've read all your posts and all your suggestions are wonderful. And yes... I needed that long critism from
Dally. I should print that one out and hang it on the wall!

Truth is, you're ALL right. The answers have all been looking me in the face and I have just ignored them.

I want to make a conscience effort to change the way I eat. I think
Krissy hit the nail on the head about working in an area where it's just too easy to go a block or two and get something quick. I live in a metropolitan area where there are restaurants everywhere!

Again, Dally made another good point, "For me it was important to realize that eating for entertainment wasn't a kind thing to do to myself - I was fat. It was better for me to get my entertainment in other ways than the mouth-feel of food eaten purely for fun rather than to fuel my body."

I love to eat. I love food. I look forward to eating certain foods when I go out. I love my taste buds. I think like Dally did because I love to make special trips out just to eat at certain restaurants. I've driven an hour just to go get a gyro several times.

Yes, I can exercise. I believe anyone can. Look at all those people who get in serious accidents; they have to exercise no matter how it hurts because if they don't they'll never heal. Isn't that true? I do small things right now. I take the steps at work (which is only 1 flight). On our morning break, a group of us walk 2 blocks to a corner gas station for coffee and back and when I get home from work, I walk every-other-day for half an hour. All of these things are hard for me to do still. My legs give me really bad pain.

2 months ago, my husband and I went to Busch Gardens and SeaWorld for vacation. My legs were hurting so bad for those three days I could hardly walk without wincing! I had a cane with me which didn't help much. I'm not talking exercise pain, I mean serious shooting pain. But,
I kept going and suffered. No matter how little or how much I walk, it doesn't seem to get any better. I have been blaming the fact that I'm
5'4" tall and weigh 266 pounds and the stress of all this weight has messed up my legs.

I want this so much. I want to wear regular clothes. I want to be able to go out with friends dancing and playing vollyball on the beach. My employers are really big on doing things for charity, too. They went on the "Walk for a Cure" for women's breast cancer in October. I wanted to go, I told them I would go, but I knew I wouldn't be able to complete the walk so I did the easy thing and donated money instead. I'd like to participate in those things!

I wrote that initial letter to this group to get some healthful feedback and boy did I get it! Thank you! I will keep posting and letting you know how I'm doing.

So, if I can't pick it up on the way home, (i.e. something fast) and I can't have anything in a box, and I get home late, what SHOULD I be eating for dinner? I can cook. In fact, when I lived with my first husband and his children, I cooked quite a lot. I just don't want to be cooking till 8pm then eat dinner so late. Can I make a suggestion to myself here and see what you think? Since I don't want to be cooking late, would it be feasable and correct to eat salads for dinner and then cook something to warm up at work and have my big meal at lunch? (like meat and 2 vegs.)

My current husband tells me all the time that I don't eat right. This is what I really need to learn. Like I said in my first letter, I'm confused by all the different books out there. Everyone has an opinion.
I need something simple. I DO like to plan things out ahead of time, because, like driving for gyros, it is something to look forward to.
I'll keep reading your suggestions and posting my thoughts. I need a backbone to keep me standing straight.

Again, thank you everyone.

... Willpower is doing right things

i totally agree with ignoramus. without willpower i would not be 140+pounds lighter today. without willpower i will not be able to maintain my weight for life. BECAUSE...for me it will be a life long struggle. i wish those well that can just lose the weight not think about it and go through life skipping and singing without using one ounce of willpower. i have to wonder if it is so simple why those people were overweight in the first place!!!! i must admit there is a fine line between willpower and making good decisions but willpower helps me make those good decisions! ya know the sort an apple v/s a slice of cheesecake.

I don't get this. Do you use willpower not to buy an expensive car, too? Is it willpower that keeps you from hitting on cute babes in the gym? Is it willpower that makes you go to work each morning?

In my case it's just commonsense to behave in a way that is line with my core values, beliefs and goals. It's something that sane grown-ups do.

Yes and no, I think.

I agree that something, anything, for a longer time is better than something quick. I tried a new video yesterday which was longer and harder, so I spent a lot more time marching in place than I did the day before. I could really feel my muscles, and I was pooped. But I was able to maintain my breathing pretty well. A little heavy at times, but nothing close to setting off my asthma. As soon as it gets heavy, I go back to marching in place. Still moving, but something I can phsically handle.

But I also do think that quality is somewhat important. Some of the moves in aerobics classes do not do a lot of good. Swinging your arms around isa movement, and better than nothing, but if you do it slower and put some resistance into it, you can get a lot more out of the same basic movement (swinging your arms).

So, while i think the quantity is more important than quality, I do think that we should strive to put as much quality into that time as we can.

Meghan & the Zoo Crew
Equine and Pet Photography http://www.zoocrewphoto.com

Ok...did you also collaborate with Dr. Phil on his book<g> He states in his book "You don't need willpower" to successfully lose weight. A few sentences from the book:

"Willpower is what temporarily pumps you up when you want to lose weight in two weeks so you'll lok good for a class reunion, or when you join a gym because you made a New Year's resolution to start exercising. At first, you feel like you're cooking on the front burner, as we say in Texas. But you know as well as I do, that no one stays fired up continuously, in fact, the burners are turned to the "off" position most of the time. Using willpower to achieve and sustain weight loss, or any lasting change for that matter, is destined for doom".

I've always felt that willpower might get us through a few tough moments but it takes changes in our lifestyle and overall approach to eating to maintain a weight loss.

If one needs willpower to lose weight, one will never stay thin. I agree with Dr. Phil and many others.

The battle is lost because we are human and most of us will readily admit to our faults. (I do say *most* of us.) We will falter, and if it is only willpower, then we are lost.

A little support is better than nothing at all... I really DO want and
NEED to do this. My husband bought me a "bodyrow" for my birthday, but it hasn't arrived yet. It's simple enough for someone like me and I'm hoping I can stick with it.

I do try to walk every-other-day but even that is hard. Like I said, my worst fault is "quick foods". I.E. McD's, Wendy's etc... I'll look into that book you recommended but... that's another one of my faults: I don't like to read. Every book recommends something different even contradictory to others. If I'm going to get anywhere, I guess I have to start somewhere!

I'll keep writing and letting you know how I'm doing.

I refer to my DH sometimes as "Husband number one". I started that when I was waiting (a long time) for him to pick me up after work one day. As in,
"Husband number one, where are you?" If you've watched tv in the 1950s or caught the re-runs you may remember, "Car 51, where are you?"

I have a friend who has been married to the same man for 46 years and she refers to him as "her first husband".

Let's see if I got this right:

1. You don't know what to eat
2. You don't like reducing the amount you eat
3. You don't know how to cook
4. You often choose fast-food crap
5. You don't intend to read books about nutrition

6. You don't like to exercise
7. You plan to quickly quit exercise if you get muscle soreness
8. You don't intend to read books on the subject of exercise

9. You say you are hopeless
10. You say you have no willpower
11. You want to change BUT
12. You have no intention of doing anything differently

Have I got that all right? Did I miss anything? When you say you're depressed to you mean clinically depressed that you aren't treating?

I'll tell you the answer, but you don't sound like you're ready to hear it. The answer to how to lose weight is four part.

1. Eat less
2. Exercise more
3. Repeat
4. Forever.

I've lost nearly 60 pounds using this method. It not only works great, but it turns out there isn't another method out there that DOES work.

My advice to you is to make your choice: either choose to be fat and have the attendant health and self-esteem issues and get to eat anything you want and eschew exercise... OR choose to lose fat and do what that takes, namely, learning to eat better and learning to integrate exercise into your daily life.

It's completely possible if you choose to do it. But it's truly impossible for you to lose weight if you choose not to change your food or exercise lifestyle. Sorry.